Unless you’re a filthy hippie who lives in a tent, you know how batshit insane gasoline prices are. They shot over $4.00 per gallon before Memorial Day, and at one point, I saw local prices go up $0.20 overnight. And do you think the oil companies give a shit? Come on. They’ve been raking in record profits for years, and claim that they need them to stay competitive with one another, and/or invest in renewable energy sources. Bullshit! The only competition those guys engage in is who can buy the latest European sports car first.

I swear, if I lived closer to work, I’d either ride my bicycle or buy one of those fruity little scooters. Sure, I’d get laughed at a lot, but those things get three times the gas mileage than my Chevy shitbox. In the meantime, I find myself trying to drive a lot less. Of course, that means I often end up sitting at home doing nothing, but it sure beats shelling out a significant chunk of my paycheck at the pump.

Adding insult to injury are these SUV-driving fuckers. 99% of SUV drivers do not need an SUV. They don’t have families, or large cargo to transport; they just bought the damn things as status symbols. Look, I’m sorry that you have no penis, but you’re making the rest of us suffer with your gas-guzzling vehicle, you yuppie prick. Hybrids are trendy, right? Buy one of those instead!