Way back when I was in college over a decade ago, I encountered all of the usual clichés: the parties, the sluts, the all-nighters, the bad food, and the wallet-slaughtering textbook fees. But I’m not going to talk about those today; I’m going to discuss a peculiar sociological trap I fell prey to during my time in higher education. It’s something that infuriated me to no end at the time, but thankfully, I was able to overcome it.

During my freshman year, I was crammed into a tiny dormitory, just like many other college newcomers. Ah, good ol’ Burnap Hall, shown at the top of the map on the left. It was three to a room, with the first two floors for men, the third floor for women. (The hall’s “twin,” Crandall Hall, was much the same, except it had two floors of girls. The guys over there were quite happy.) Anyway, due to the cramped conditions, shared bathrooms and showers, and the fact that cable TV was only available in the lounge, everyone got to know everybody else in their building quite well. Even if we didn’t always hang out together, we’d always have someone to grab lunch with or borrow movies from; the previous social cliques from high school meant nothing. This camaraderie was an integral part of the college experience, if you ask me; easily on par with the required academics.

For those that survived their freshman year, upperclassmen living quarters were a considerable upgrade. All of the upperclassmen dorms were apartment-style suites, with their own bathrooms and showers, kitchenettes, living rooms, and single or double bedrooms. Many of us wanted to live in the same buildings, since it would make hanging out much easier. However, we understood that it was luck of the draw, quite literally; the housing department ran a lottery program called room draw, in order to ensure fairness in selecting rooms. Most of my friends ended up in the High Rise and Low Rise apartments (on the middle left edge of the map), or moved off campus around the same area…while I ended up in Noble Hall, down at the very bottom edge of campus. Noble was reputed to have the nicest rooms on campus, and as it turned out, I ended up in Room 209, the largest apartment available for men. (Room 208 across the hall was a bit larger, but it was a women’s apartment. Only the best for the ladies.)

Now, it may appear from the map that Noble Hall is quite a long walk from the other buildings, but it’s really not. You could easily walk from one end of campus to the other in fifteen minutes or less; you could get to the High Rise and Low Rise apartments in well under ten. So as you can see, we weren’t that far from one another. However, this didn’t stop a majority of my friends from completely writing me off. All I did was move to a dorm that was slightly further away…and almost all of them refused to visit me anymore, or even associate with me.

I should mention that throughout my college career, I did not drink or smoke. (I still don’t; go me!) This didn’t seem to bother any of my friends during my freshman year; it’s not like I was condemning them for their choices. Far from it; I just didn’t partake myself, simple as that. However, they made sure to use that as a bullshit talking point once sophomore year rolled around; since I didn’t drink or smoke, I was branded “no fun,” they falsely claimed I was “looking down” on those who did choose to indulge, and I was subsequently excommunicated from the group. This could’ve been psychologically devastating, but ironically, I had dealt with a similar situation a year prior.

Quick recap: during the fall of my freshman year, my girlfriend back home cheated on me with one of my best friends. During the rest of that fall and spring while I was away, the two of them manipulated rumors and information to make my friends back home think that I was the asshole in the situation, and thus everyone turned against me. In fact, it became apparent that none of them were my real friends to begin with; it was one big masquerade. I was left with maybe three or four friends at home, and the whole debacle sent cracks running through my admittedly fragile mental state. If it wasn’t for the support of my newfound friends at college, I very likely would’ve broken down completely.

The moral of the story is that I’d survived losing all of my friends once before; I could do it again. Interpersonal relationships in college were important, but dammit, I was there to work. Long story short, I made new friends. Many of them lived in Noble already, or ended up moving there. I survived, earned my degree, and went forth into the working world. I try to keep in touch with as many of my friends as possible, though it’s tough, especially when they move far away, get married, and have kids.

I can’t help but wonder if similar bullshit was experienced by any other college students. I mean, come on…ditching friendships based on walking distance, then making up excuses to cover it up? What a crock.

We all know Ben Stein, either from his funny turn as a high school teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or the Visine commercials, or from his own hilarious game show, Win Ben Stein’s Money. At the same time, we all knew he was a rather staunch conservative, which is fine; different strokes for different folks, and all that. He’s made plenty of asinine statements, but last week, he let loose a piece of right-wing paranoia and hatred that’s just jaw-dropping.

During an appearance on CNN’s Glenn Beck, Stein and host Beck (another rather controversial conservative) were discussing Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama’s plan to deliver his nomination acceptance speech at Invesco Field in Denver, Colorado. Stein’s thoughts?

“I don’t like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. That is not the way we do things in political parties in the United States of America.” … “Seventy-five thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that’s something the Führer would have done.”

I can barely find the words. (But don’t worry, I’ll try.)

The first black candidate for President of the United States, and all he wants to do is give an acceptance speech to a large crowd of supporters…only to have a prominent conservative compare him to Adolf Hitler. (This isn’t the first time Stein’s invoked the Nazis to attack people, either; he’s claimed that the theory of evolution was the inspiration for the Holocaust.) When crazy liberals have compared President Bush or Vice President Cheney to Hitler, they’re shot down immediately, and subjected to a barrage of attacks on their person and credibility. Did anything happen to Stein? Nope.

It’s bad enough that so many ignorant fucks in this country still think Senator Obama is a Muslim (that nasty rumor was debunked what, a year ago?), or just won’t vote for him because he’s black. It’s disgusting and appalling, and when hatemongers like Stein spout off that kind of ridiculous vitriol on national television, and get away with it, it’s an embarrassment to our country as a whole.

Growing up in the 1980s meant three things: Transformers, neon clothing, and heavy metal. Laugh all you want, but if you were alive in that era, you likely loved what’s now known as “hair metal,” too.

The late ’80s and early ’90s in particular were a wonderful time for me as far as metal was concerned; my favorite bands were putting out albums that actually spotlighted their songwriting abilities (rather than the corporate-mandated punk chords), newer groups on the scene had some serious musical chops as well, and at long last, the horrifying glam fashions were starting to disappear, so we could more easily focus on the music. (One look at the album covers for Shout at the Devil or Look What the Cat Dragged In will make you glad that those fashion trends died out.) Lots and lots of great music was released in a veritable torrent, and since these were the days before the Internet, I got all of my music information from the radio and MTV. The latter was especially important, because not only did it introduce me to plenty of new metal, the music videos had some of the hottest women on the planet in them.

Sure, many (if not most) of these videos were considered to be rather sexist, but so was the music. Look at the PMRC mess back in the 1980s, too; it wasn’t just foul language that those foolish crusaders wanted to stamp out! But come on…the drugs/booze/party/sex stylings of the genre just made for good fun music, nothing more. Even more ironic is that looking back, these songs and videos were positively tame by today’s standards. Hell, they’re tame even by the standards of the mid-1990s!

Anyway, while hot women in videos is nothing new, the sexiness factor really took off in the late ’80s and early ’90s. MTV was a colossal hit, and metal was at its peak. There were very few metal videos to be found that didn’t feature a buxom blonde from Jersey or a ravenhaired beauty in a leather bustier and miniskirt. Ah, those were the days! If only they’d lasted longer.

As metal’s popularity waned thanks to that “alternative” garbage, and MTV started playing more crappy TV shows instead of videos, the hot female quotient dropped as well. Sure, the rappers kept it up, but it just wasn’t the same. As far as rock was concerned, a majority of the women in that scene were those ugly-ass pierced punk chicks, with fucked-up hairstyles and wardrobes from the Salvation Army. Yuck. Sorry, big hair and fire engine red lipstick on a woman wins out over that stuff any day of the week.

Comedians Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn have lampooned many 1980s metal bands’ video antics as oddly homosexual (and they’re right!), but the fact remains that the women in those videos were absolutely smokin’. I leave you with a bunch of classic examples of this trend…go forth, and rock out!

• Warrant – “Cherry Pie” (Bobbie Brown!)

• Danger Danger – “Monkey Business” (thongs, and Lady Tarzan?)
• Mötley Crüe – “Girls, Girls, Girls” (need I say more?)
• Slaughter – “Up All Night” (sluts on the streets)
• FireHouse – “Don’t Treat Me Bad” (she’s a pyrokinetic!)

Man, do those videos bring back memories. Dammit, we need to bring that stuff back!

I love German culture. I dig the food, the language fascinates me, the history of that section of Europe is loaded with amazing tales, and it dovetails nicely with my interest in World War II. I enjoy reading about the tactics, famous battles, and the various war machines used by all sides, especially the aircraft. (As far as tanks and other armor are concerned, in particular, I find that the German machines just look cooler.)

However, every time I tell someone that I enjoy learning about the German side of the war, I’m forced to immediately adopt a defensive posture, because without fail, people assume the same damn thing:

“So, you must like Nazis, then.”

Oh, for the love of all that’s holy: like anyone else with a brain, I hate Nazis. Fuck Nazis, fuck national socialism, fuck Hitler’s corpse with a rusty Panzer. I’m interested in everything else about the war, not the goddamn politics. Planes and tanks don’t have a political affiliation. Guys lying in the trenches shooting at each other were doing it out of patriotism, not some ridiculous political ideology. (Not to mention that memberships in political parties and voting rights were actually forbidden to soldiers in the early days of the Wehrmacht.) I don’t even like modern politics, let alone historical ones! I try to view the war itself as objectively as possible, and for me, the German stuff’s just the most interesting.

I’m sure this is because like any other American, we learned about American involvement in the war first and foremost during school. In other words, I had my fill of the American stuff; I wanted to learn about the rest. (I should point out that I also enjoy reading about the Soviet side, and they were counted amongst the Allies. [To keep up with my previous angry tone: fuck Stalin! Happy now?] Lastly, my favorite WWII airplane is an American one: the Chance-Vought F4U Corsair. Eat me.)

Moving on, I most certainly do not enjoy reading about the Holocaust. Like any other decent human being, that whole atrocity disgusts me on a level that defies description. I avoid that crap whenever I can, and stick with the relatively cut-and-dry world of military tactics. So, as I’ve made quite clear, I hate Nazis, I hate Hitler and his cronies, and I hate the Holocaust. Yet, misconceptions continue.

It’s not like i’m driving one of these to work. (Though it would certainly help solve the traffic problem.)

I think a large part of people’s misconceptions is due to ignorance. A majority of people haven’t studied any WWII history, and that’s perfectly understandable; it’s not as important as, say, basic math and reading skills. But complicating this matter is willful ignorance and the perpetuation of stereotypes, which still exist over six decades later. There’s still harbored mistrust of the German people amongst many Americans, especially those of the WWII generation. I can understand that old wounds take time to heal, but come on; there’s no excuse for prejudice. As far as later generations are concerned, look no further than popular music: scores of people refer to Rammstein as “Nazi rock,” simply because they sing in German!

I used to play the Axis & Allies Miniatures tabletop game a lot, before it got too expensive (and the local tournament scene dried up). I built some decent German and Soviet armies within that game, and fortunately, the guys I played with held no misconceptions. They knew I was just enjoying the history, not picking sides between good and evil. (The fact that my opponents were quite learned in WWII history helped considerably, I’m sure.) When I play the regular Axis & Allies board game, or any other WWII game, I’ll almost always pick the Germans. I have no trouble playing the “bad guys,” especially since it’s just a damn game. I’m not yelling “Sieg heil!” while I play; I’m just enjoying myself, and I often entertain other players by affecting a German accent. Again, my opponents understand that we’re just having fun; no politics needed.

Someday, I’d love to visit Germany itself, so I can enjoy the history up close and personal. Not to mention stuffing myself silly with their excellent cuisine; need I remind you of my penchant for gourmet chocolate? I also plan to attend Wacken Open Air someday…and try to survive. Wrapping all of that up with amazing history…it would be a vacation to remember.

I’m not an apologist for Nazi atrocities or any of that nonsense; I just enjoy learning. Is that really so difficult to understand?

A few weeks back, the PlayStation 3 got a much-anticipated firmware update, that finally added in-game Xross Media Bar (XMB) access, a few minor tweaks, and trophy support.

What are trophies, you ask? Put simply, they’re the PS3′s answer to the Xbox 360′s achievements. The latter are the gold standard of Xbox Live, with a majority of Xbox gamers whiling away countless hours in the pursuit of the pointless awards. You earn gamerpoints for them, and Xbox fanatics worldwide try to outdo each other by having a higher gamerscore. It’s the equivalent of a digital pissing contest, with these toolbags measuring each others’ e-penises. Of course, few of them realize that gamerscore is absolutely worthless; it adds nothing to gameplay, and there are no rewards.

The PS3′s trophies are equally pointless. Instead of having numbers assigned to random tasks completed in a game, you’ll instead earn bronze, silver, gold, or platinum trophies. These can be compared with other users collections, but like achievements and gamerscore, they’re ultimately worthless. They don’t affect anything in-game, and you reap no benefits for earning them. Furthermore, the whole thing’s kind of a half-assed effort at the moment; only a handful of games currently support them, and most older games won’t be patched. (Which, to be honest, can’t be all that difficult; it’s just another case of developer laziness.) I’m sure that a majority of future games will support trophies, but the PS3 didn’t need this bullshit; it’s got enough extra features as it is. Just let the games stand on their own merit without bells and whistles.

I should also mention that trophies and achievements can be downright distracting. If you’re really caught up in a game’s world, nothing takes you out of it faster than a banner appearing that says “Achievement unlocked.” Hell, I was playing Super Stardust HD the other night (finally got around to buying the add-on pack, as I hadn’t played the game in ages), I somehow unlocked a trophy in Survival mode…and the banner distracted me, causing me to fuck up and die. How annoying. I don’t see any reason why the notifications can’t be smaller or otherwise less obtrusive.

I can understand that people just want to have fun acquiring trophies and achievements, and that’s fine. The problem is that too many fans and developers are using them to overshadow everything else. Like I’ve stated countless times before, they add nothing to the game. This obsession with pointless trinkets has got to stop. It’s one thing if killing a thousand enemies in a row will earn your character a new weapon. It’s another if killing a thousand enemies in a row earns you a worthless number sitting on the Internet. Seriously, those obsessed with these things need to get outside more; your “bragging rights” only show that you spend way too much time playing video games.