I went to Dunkin’ Donuts on my way to work the other day, and ordered a cinnamon raisin bagel with strawberry cream cheese (don’t knock it until you try it) via the drive-thru. I’ve done this countless times in the past, but it had been a while since I’d had one, so I decided to treat myself. Well, wasn’t I in for a surprise.

I got to work, took the bagel out of the bag, and separated the halves so that I could better spread the strawberry cream cheese on them (since the clerks tend to just quickly slop it on there). What I found inside the bagel didn’t look like strawberry cream cheese. It looked like liquified bubble gum. I don’t know a lot, but I know that strawberry cream cheese is not neon pink, nor is it semi-translucent. This led me to believe that the condiment placed upon my bagel was not in fact strawberry cream cheese, but rather a Strawberry and Cream Cheese Flavored Product. Don’t get me wrong, it still tasted like strawberry cream cheese; I was just miffed that I was getting an artificial replacement for the real thing that was probably created in a giant chemical vat. Kinda gross when you think about it; perhaps I should stick with good ol’ Philly in the future.