(Fear not, this post is certified spoiler-free.)

Alright, alright, we’ve all seen The Dark Knight by now. Can life move on?

The amount of hype surrounding the film has honestly made me sick. We knew it was going to be a great film from the get-go, as director Christopher Nolan didn’t disappoint with 2005′s Batman Begins. But, sadly, ever since Heath Ledger died, the hype wagon for The Dark Knight has been a juggernaut. Don’t get me wrong; the movie was excellent, and the acting by Ledger, Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart, and the supporting cast was fantastic. But is it deserving of the “masterpiece” accolades heaped upon it by critics and fans alike? I’d say no.

I realize this opinion likely turns me into a fucking social pariah, but I don’t care. The Dark Knight was great, but it had its share of problems, like any other film. The fact that it was obscenely overhyped unfortunately makes these problems stand out a bit more. For one, the film was too long; it ran about two and a half hours in total. There’s no reason why the film’s story couldn’t have been edited down to a more manageable two hours. The plot moved along well, but it did drag at times.

Secondly…we all knew the entire plot of the film before we even saw it. No, we didn’t hunt around on the Internet for spoilers or anything; everything was given away in advertisements, trailers, and other commonly seen promotional material. There was no need to find spoilers; the producers of the film spoiled the entire thing themselves! PvP‘s Scott Kurtz feels much the same way. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was a colossal hype machine as well, but at least we didn’t know the whole story before we sat down in the theater. (If we had, maybe we could’ve avoided the pain of Jar Jar.)

And last but not least, Batman’s voice. In Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne purposely pitched his voice lower to make it more menacing (and unrecognizable) in his Batman persona. In The Dark Knight, it sounds like Batman’s taken up a very heavy smoking habit. He overdid the grumbling, and the digital post-processing effects added to the voice made it even worse. This may seem like a minor quirk, but Batman was completely unintelligible at times! That’s not good; Batman’s a badass, but he’s not supposed to sounds like he’s been gargling with razor blades. It was almost laughable at times.

So there you have it. A great film, sure, but certainly not the perfect one that too many people are making it out to be. As with most things in life, the hype did more damage than good.

What the fuck is up with Viz Media‘s incredible slacking lately? While many of their titles come out on a bimonthly basis, or a triannual basis (for those manga that are serialized in Shonen Jump magazine), they’ve got popular properties that they’ve seemingly thrown to the wind. Take two that I just happen to read: Hikaru no Go and Fullmetal Alchemist.

Now, Hikaru no Go used to be serialized in Shonen Jump, so the collected volumes came out every few months to collect the chapters that had been released. However, a few months ago, its serialization ended, likely due to declining popularity. The volumes are still on a long schedule, though. If the book’s not doing so well on the popularity front…how about getting the remaining volumes out on a regular basis to drum up interest? The US release of the Hikaru no Go anime was cancelled after only half the series was released on DVD, so future prospects are admittedly looking grim.

With Fullmetal Alchemist, the situation’s even worse. This is a series that’s remained very popular, and the volumes used to come out bimonthly. Starting last fall, Viz shifted to a longer schedule, for some unknown reason. Volume 16 came out in March of 2008…and Volume 17 isn’t due out until at least October! That makes no sense whatsoever; what’s causing these ridiculous delays? The series is popular, but this now semiannual schedule is going to tank it. I know the series was catching up to the Japanese releases, but there’s still a disparity present.

These dead stretches are only going to cost the company readership. You know things are getting bad when you can barely remember what happened in the last volume, because it came out six damn months ago.

I went to see Hellboy II: The Golden Army the other night. The film itself rocked, but there was an aspect to my viewing experience that I’d care not to repeat: the Director’s Hall. I got shoehorned into this crap, because the online movie listings naturally do not list these special features, and the next available showing was over an hour later. But before I air my grievances, let me give you a bit of background information.

My local movieplex has gone through some heavy renovations over the past year or so. They’ve rebuilt many of the theaters, added new concessions stands, and even added a goddamn bar. (Because when you go to the movie theater, you’d much rather sit in the bar and listen to whiny acoustic rock.) Anyway, one of the big additions they’d made was the Director’s Hall. Certain showings of certain films are displayed in a special theater, which features leather seats, reservations, and the ability to order food and have it delivered to your seat. Of course, all of this comes with an additional fee; a few dollars more than the already-exorbitant ticket prices.

First of all, let me rant about the food thing. I didn’t partake, of course, for a few reasons: movie theater food is not only overpriced, it generally tastes like shit. But more importantly…how fucking lazy do you have to be to order this shit and have it brought to you, when you have to walk right by the concession stand to get into the theater itself?!

Then there’s the whole seating thing. The reservations are nice, I suppose…if you’re seeing a big film on opening night, which I wasn’t (and you know why). But the leather seats? They’re fucking car seats! They make the theater smell faintly of a Toyota. Last but not least, for all of the money they spent upgrading many of the theaters’ projectors to digital format…this particular theater didn’t even use it! All of the commercials and shit before the previews had a crisp digital picture, but the previews and feature presentation used the good ol’ film reels. Normally, I have no problem with this, but this was their fancy-schmancy Director’s Hall. The best picture quality possible should be the default, especially when you’re forced to pay more!

All you’re paying extra money for is laziness, and debatably better seats. (I should point out that the “standard” seats in the other theaters are perfectly comfortable.) It’s a crock of horseshit, and I urge everyone to stand up and flip the theaters the bird. We’re paying far too much for movie tickets as it is; supporting this garbage will only make it worse.

I was asked to weigh in on this: the fact that Final Fantasy XIII has been announced as a multiplatform game for North American and European territories. Translation: the long-awaited game will not be a PlayStation 3 exclusive anymore, and it’s coming to the Xbox 360 (except in Asia). As you may have guessed, the message boards and other fanboy gathering points absolutely exploded, with a majority of the posts being a virtual burning at the stake of Sony fans. You know, the usual “PS3 is d00med!!!1!!1!!”, “the game will run better on 360,” and other such nonsense.

There’s two big pieces of this announcement that people seem to have forgotten. First off, the game is still coming to the PS3. I understand that less copies will be sold for the PS3 in North America and in Europe now that it’s multiplatform, but can you fault Square Enix for wanting to recoup their investment in any way possible? As we all know, game development is ridiculously expensive nowadays. Porting FFXIII to other systems simply makes good financial sense. PS3 owners will still get to play it, so who cares where else it goes?

Secondly…an overwhelming majority of Xbox 360 fans did not care about FFXIII (or most Final Fantasy games, for that matter) until the moment the Xbox 360 port was announced. Don’t believe me? Check out message boards ever since the PS3 was released; FFXIII was lambasted over and over again by the 360 crowd; the complaints about the very Japanese style of the game ran rampant, and were actually used as yet another weapon with which to attack Sony fans. (Figure that one the fuck out.) When the 360 started to get a few JRPGs of its own, the fans exalted every single one of them as being “better than Final Fantasy XIII.” (Yes, even shitballs like Enchanted Arms.) We still know next to nothing about the game, yet other games are automatically better? Please.

Why the sudden change of heart? Because like so many things before, it’s just another preposterous reason to attack Sony properties. Sadly, it’s a mentality that’s deeply ingrained into the US gaming fandom and press, and it’s a shame that FFXIII has been relegated to the status of a blunt object. It should also be noted that the Xbox 360 version will indeed be a port; Square Enix themselves have stated that the PS3 version will be finished first (for the Japanese release), and then they’ll work on porting it to the 360 alongside the English translation of the PS3 version. As such, some concessions will have to be made, the most obvious one being multiple discs for the 360 port. Not a huge deal, perhaps, but it isn’t something that should be casually swept under the rug.

Regardless, this all boils down to a very singular truth: at the end of the day, more people will get to experience what looks to be a highly entertaining game. That’s not a bad thing, no matter how you try to spin it.

Hello. My name is Cross, and I’m a chocoholic.

I love chocolate in just about all of its forms, and I have to make it a point to look away and keep walking by whenever I pass the Lindt and Godiva shops in my local mall, else I risk emptying my wallet. (There used to be a Munson’s shop there, too, but they moved it to another plaza.)

Anyway, while I’m a big fan of gourmet chocolate, I’m not some arrogant jerk who would reject the well-known “generic” varieties. I do love a good Three Musketeers bar, and considering that those are much less expensive than gourmet products, you’d correctly surmise that I have the off-the-shelf stuff much more often.

Recently, my brother returned home from a vacation in France, and he brought me a sample pack of Jeff de Bruges chocolates. He’s well aware of my love for cocoa-based confections, and the stuff he brought back was phenomenal. (Apparently, it’s considered France’s best, and I could certainly taste why.) They had chocolates in there flavored with Earl Grey tea, fer crissake, and they were incredible! Don’t worry, I haven’t become a snob. But it is harder to appreciate the run-of-the-mill stuff now. I want more of that gourmet shit! We should be be able to buy Jeff de Bruges in 7-11s! I want to see Lindt at my local gas station! (And not just those little ball chocolates; that’s a copout, and you know it.)

Or better yet…how about Hershey and friends up the ante by producing a lot more gourmet chocolate of their own? They already produce some, but we need more. Hershey’s bars are great, but they’re practically tasteless compared to that imported chocolatey goodness. C’mon, you’ve got the clout: bring forth higher quality material! There’s no reason why they can’t.

I guess it’s a good thing that the gourmet stuff’s harder to come by and more expensive, otherwise I’d be monstrously fat. This country’s got enough morbidly obese freaks as it is without adding myself to their number.