Like any other kid who grew up in the 1980s, I’ve been feeling my hair go gray lately with all of these 20th and 25th anniversaries of properties we know and love. It seems like only yesterday that these things were in their heyday, and here we are over two decades later. Ugh.

But enough about geriatric side effects. Let’s talk about G.I. Joe. Specifically, the A Real American Hero toyline, which became the true superstars of the franchise, propelling it to unseen heights of popularity. I loved the cartoon to death as a kid, and only Transformers edged it out in my mind. I collected the comics as well, and as you’d expect, my brain exploded when they released a G.I. Joe and the Transformers crossover miniseries. (Of course, looking back on it now…what a piece of shit!) To be perfectly honest, however, I didn’t own many of the toys back then; maybe it was because I primarily focused on Transformers and LEGO® toys, maybe my mom didn’t like war toys, maybe it was another insidiousss plot by Cobra…who knows. The fact remains that Snake Eyes, Cobra Commander, Roadblock, and all of their comrades are characters that have been etched into my memories forever. I’d even pick up a random figure here and there during high school, and once college came around…I discovered eBay. That certainly helped me track down a few of the elusive bastards, like Destro.

Bringing this whole thing full circle is the fact that 2007 was the 25th anniversary of A Real American Hero, and to celebrate, Hasbro’s been reissuing the classic characters ever since.

Well, sort of.

I say “sort of” because while they’re using classic-styled packaging, complete with explosive art work and filecards, the figures are actually larger and resculpted, with more detail and extra points of articulation. While this generally isn’t a bad thing when it comes to action figures, it rather defeats the purpose of a proper reissue. Hasbro’s done random reissues in the past, and those were the correct sculpts; they even had the classic rubber band “spines”! It just bugs me that they’re not bothering with a full reissue of the original figures, right down to the sometimes-poor details. The 25th anniversary of the Transformers toyline is coming up next year, and Hasbro’s not fucking with that! (The only exception being a few slight changes to accessories, due to updated safety laws.)

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not like I despise the new line. The fact that characters from a quarter century ago are bringing in new legions of fans is fantastic; collectors may be a target market in this case, but there’s plenty of young kids buying them, too. So while the new figures are great, it’s still a thorn in my side that they’re not as “original” as they should be. I’ve successfully resisted the urge to buy the new figures, which is a good thing; my workspace at the office is already overloaded with Star Wars figures, and the last thing anyone needs is a battle between the Joes and a platoon of protocol droids.

On a final saddening note, I really wish that Hasbro would get on the stick and release some G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero DVD boxsets. Rhino did a few, but we need the whole series! I’ve already got the full set of Transformers. Quit diddling yourselves, Hasbro, and make with the boxsets!