I’m one of a rare breed of heterosexual males who do not find Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Lauren Conrad, and the like even the least bit attractive. In fact, I find them insanely annoying and disgusting, and wish that they could be abandoned on a desert island somewhere, so we’d never have to hear from or see them ever again.

Why do they annoy me so? Aside from their irritatingly arrogant personalities, the fact that they’re famous for no reason drives me around the bend. Okay…so you’re rich. That somehow makes you famous? Part of these women’s fame certainly comes from the population’s obsession with the super-rich, but that’s a deep-rooted problem within American culture that I really don’t feel like getting into right now.

As for their looks…they’re too fake, and that turns me right off. I probably sound like a whiny middle-class secretary by saying this, but I don’t care. I’m an old-fashioned guy; I don’t like plastic chicks. If I wanted a plastic girl, I’d buy a Barbie doll, and she’d likely be easier on the eyes than these harpies who tank Botox in their early twenties.

The worst part of it all is that none of these broads have done a minute of actual work in their entire lives. As such, they have no concept of self-reliance, nor any respect for people who actually have to support themselves. At least many other affluent celebrities actually do something to earn their keep, be it acting, athletics, or business. Meanwhile, the Paris contingent are glorified with reality shows, considered “celebrities” for no apparent reason, and make sex tapes to ensure that the spotlight remains focused upon them. What boggles my mind is that almost all of them inherited their riches from their family; how can their parents support this kind of behavior? And furthermore, I’m sure there’s plenty of rich parents who refuse to give their kids a free ride. They must be absolutely incensed at the antics of these celebutante bitches; it gives rich people who are actually good parents a bad name. (Not to mention that if a middle-class couple’s daughter ever tried some of that shit, they’d be ruined for life.)

Comedian David Cross has described them as “giggling cunts” and “horrible human beings,” and he’s 110% correct. People need to stop feeding these ladies’ egos, and deride them for the dregs of society that they truly are. They’re a complete waste of flesh, no matter how pretty brainless idiots think they may be.

You can put pearls on a pig, but it’s still a pig.