Alright, so this is rather late, but I kinda forgot about it during the long holiday break.

This past Christmas, my brother and I decided to listen to an audio tape from 1988. Specifically, it was one our father had recorded on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day of that year. Back during out childhood, he’d record one every year, wherein we’d talk about what we wanted for Christmas, and my father would end it by reading either A Visit from St. Nicholas (aka ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas) or How The Grinch Stole Christmas!. The next morning, he’d record everyone opening their gifts.

Anyway, 1988. Twenty years ago. My brother and I knew we’d sound like retards on this thing, and we weren’t disappointed. (His excuse was better than mine, though; he was only five, and I was ten.) What really bugged me about the whole thing is how much of a loser I sounded like. Back then, I was heavily engrossed in science. It was my favorite subject in school, I enjoyed reading about it, performing my own stupid experiments…you get the idea. As a result, for Christmas that year, I had asked for many science-related items. Topping the list was a microscope, as microbiology was my scientific discipline du jour. I also wanted a chemistry set. I received both of these items, along with accessories for both, and my ten-year-old self couldn’t have been more excited.

I’m sure you’re wondering, “Where’s the problem?” The problem is that in retrospect, I’m annoyed and ashamed by my childhood interest in science and resultant behavior. Sure, you could chalk it up to capricious youth, but I should’ve known better, even then. My interest in science and other intellectual pursuits earned me constant teasing by my peers, with plenty of bullying and beatings thrown on top. I’m not saying I should’ve turned into a carbon copy of the other kids, but I could’ve at least kept a lid on my interests.

I think that if I had acted differently back then, maybe my childhood wouldn’t have been as unpleasant as it was. Sure, my attitudes and interests had changed by the time I got to junior high, and I learned to keep my hobbies to myself, but the damage had already been done. I made very few friends, and while the routine ass-kickings had stopped, I was still somewhat of an outcast. This continued throughout high school, where thankfully I found a few more friends to hang out with. (As it turns out, almost all of them were only pretending to be friends with me, but that’s another story entirely.) Ironically, if I’d kept up my scientific pursuits (albeit under the social radar), my college life and later career options would’ve been vastly different, as well.

I know it’s too late to change anything at this point. But until someone perfects quantum temporal mechanics, one can dream.