Someone needs to defang the current craze of vampire fiction, and do it fast. Every time I walk into a bookstore, that bullshit is everywhere.

Largely thanks to Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight, we’ve seen a massive explosion in books that cater to young adults (primarily women) featuring vampires, werewolves, and other such supernatural creatures in a contemporary setting. While that doesn’t seem too bad on the surface, this craze is rife with serious problems.

First and foremost is that a majority of the writers…well…can’t write. Stephen King has rightfully derided Meyer on this exact point. It’s fluff fiction, and the cookie-cutter plots and characters are showcases thereof. Furthermore, the characters in these books are appallingly one-dimensional. We’ve got angsty, emo teens or young adults…some of whom just happen to be monsters. But do any of these people do what monsters are supposed to do, which is terrorize and rule the human filth? Like I’ve said before…no. They wimp out with their own personal problems and petty romances. It’s the same thing, recycled over and over.

Hell, most of the books’ covers are the same, too! Far too many have the same trendy-looking chick on the cover, either sporting a bare midriff (often tattooed), or her lower back, complete with the ol’ tramp stamp. You’d think that the art departments would try to come up with something a bit more original, but when your plots are the same as six hundred and eighty-two other books out there, I guess the cover art doesn’t matter.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do read my share of pulp fiction, or “airport novels” as I like to refer to them. However, I’m not obsessed with the stuff, and I do like to broaden my horizons by reading across multiple genres, classic literature, and even (gasp!) non-fiction. The current craze of shitty vampire literature (let’s call it “shiterature” from now on) just has to stop. If I see one more emo vampire, I’m going to spew bile.

Proponents of this crap may try to stake their last defense on the fact that at least these books are getting more young people to read. Sure…but so did the Harry Potter series, and at least those are well-written.