(If you haven’t seen the new Star Trek film yet, consider this your warning, as this post will contain MAJOR SPOILERS.)

I’ve been a hardcore Star Trek fan for my entire life. I grew up watching reruns of the original series and the animated series, and was on board with The Next Generation and its successors from day one. The films? Opening weekend, every time since Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. So, in keeping with this nerdity, I naturally checked out the newest film, aptly titled Star Trek (and sometimes referred to as Star Trek XI) as soon as possible.

Let me state from the get-go that I loved it. In fact, I’ve already seen it twice! It was a fun movie, loaded with great stuff for both Trek newcomers as well as diehards like myself. The film wasn’t absolutely perfect, but it was a much-needed breath of fresh air after Rick Berman and Brannon Braga ran the franchise into the ground.

Now then. Since this is a blog where I complain about things, Star Trek did have some nits I’d like to pick. They vary in severity, and some were obviously a result of dramatic license; those I’m only bringing them up for completeness’ sake. Besides, you really can’t call yourself a science fiction fan if you don’t love nitpicking! It’s fun! So, without further ado…ahead, Mr. Sulu, warp factor six!

Minor problems:

• Flaming exhaust. Warp engines shouldn’t shoot out streams of hot plasma when they activate. As we’ve seen in other episodes and films, that’s usually a sign of a serious problem!

• The ship is a TARDIS. This is a classic special effects scaling problem. We see that the Enterprise shuttle bay has shuttles stacked on either side, two levels high. However, given that the ship’s only around 300 meters long (judging by window sizes and whatnot), the bay physically couldn’t be that size! We run into the same problem with the engineering section; many of the shots showed an ugly, pipe-laden engineering area that was far too big to fit into the ship’s hull. (There’s a link at the end of this post that examines these problems in more detail.)
• Warbirds of prey. Klingon ships were referred to as “warbirds.” Klingon ships are actually “birds of prey.” Romulan ships are warbirds.
• Nokia’s connecting people. Doesn’t the Federation use a moneyless economy? How would a business like Nokia still exist, not to mention using the same damn ringtone over two centuries from now? Even if they were a free contractor, we’ve never seen Nokia logos in Star Trek before. Product placement in movies always pisses me off, but this was a particularly silly example. (The same applies to the “Budweiser Classic.” Ugh.)
• The best defense is no defense? Why doesn’t Earth or Vulcan have any anti-starship defense systems? The Narada was able to plow through ships, sure, but advanced technology or not, it would fare considerably worse against planetary artillery.

Major problems:

• The Romulan/Vulcan connection. In the film, Starfleet is well aware that Vulcans and Romulans share common ancestry, which they originally were not aware of until the classic episode “Balance of Terror.” Even excepting the fact that the Narada‘s appearance altered the timeline, the crew of the Kelvin should not have known.

• Disappearing black holes. The physics were completely wrong on this one. Why does the black hole that ate Vulcan suddenly disappear once the planet’s gone? “Red matter” doesn’t cut it, especially since the various black holes created by the substance all had different effects and durations.
• Cadet to Captain. That’s one hell of a promotion for James Kirk! Granted, he saved Earth, and likely many other Federation worlds, but commanding a starship still requires a significant amount of field experience. Kirk just doesn’t have that yet, genius or not.
• Canon fodder. Now, before you start screaming that “Star Trek is an all-new timeline! Old canon doesn’t apply anymore!”, hear me out. While everything after the Narada appeared in 2233 is an alternate reality (they clearly state this in the film), there’s still a few facts we need to take into account. First and foremost, everything that happened before the film is still canon. That means the Star Trek: Enterprise series, as well as all of the temporal incursions in other series that happened before the year 2233 (“Tomorrow is Yesterday,” “Time’s Arrow,” Star Trek: First Contact, and so on). Spock Prime himself came from original Star Trek canon, albeit many years after the events of the last film (Star Trek: Nemesis).

  Furthermore, it’s also been established in Star Trek canon that when something goes back in time and does damage to the timeline, somebody follows it with the express purpose of fixing whatever damage was done (e.g., Star Trek: First Contact). In fact, by the time the 29th century rolls around, Starfleet’s got an entire division devoted to scanning multiple timelines to make sure nothing gets screwed up (e.g., “Future’s End”)! So, while the alternate reality doesn’t affect or replace the primary timeline (otherwise, Spock Prime may have disappeared, and we’d run into a colossal grandfather paradox), we’re left with one big question. Why would Starfleet in the primary timeline choose to ignore the damage that was done in the alternate one? That’s very out of character for them. I’d think the deaths of six billion Vulcans, at the very least, would be significant cause for concern!

  On a related note, the comic book prequel series Star Trek: Countdown explains a lot of Nero’s backstory, why the Narada is so super-powerful, and various other “fill in the gaps” measures. But, guess what: it doesn’t count as canon, even though the film’s writers created it! The comics may say “official movie prequel” across the top, but Paramount has defined Star Trek canon to only be the films and television shows. (There’s a brief editorial on the official Star Trek website concerning canon.) UPDATE 5/22: An interview with writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman definitively claims that Countdown is not canon. The writers themselves have admitted it.

Dramatic license issues:

• The engineering pipe farm. I heard that they filmed those scenes in a brewery, but the engineering section of the Enterprise is far too overloaded with pipes and valves. Spacecraft now aren’t that ridiculous!

• Warp drive versus hyperdrive. In the film, Vulcan’s only a few minutes away from Earth at warp speed, which is completely at odds with everything we’ve known about warp physics. While this could technically be classified as a major problem, I’m placing it under dramatic license for a very specific reason: I think the writers confused warp travel with the hyperspace travel seen in Star Wars. Further credence is lent to this theory by the fact that when we see ships traveling at warp in the new film, they often appears to be traveling through a “tunnel” in space that looks similar to the hyperspace corridors seen in Star Wars.
• Vulcans hating humans. Why are the Vulcans so incredibly racist? They were like that back in Star Trek: Enterprise, but that situation was explained and remedied during the fourth season. Well, in the new film, their racism is a strong part of Spock’s character development; thus, it was a very conscious choice on the writers’ part, and I don’t think it would’ve worked otherwise.
• The goddamned lens flares. Whitewashes, blue stripes, glare…bad lighting effects were everywhere. I understand that some of that might make the film seem more “realistic,” but when it’s that noticeable, it’s far too much. Half the time, they obscured characters and ships! Even the director, J.J. Abrams himself, has admitted that the lens flares are “ridiculous.” Hopefully the filmmakers won’t repeat that mistake with the inevitable sequel. Seriously, the lens flares were the single worst part of the entire film.

There’s more nits to pick, but I’ll leave that up to other fans. The good news is that while Star Trek certainly had it flaws, the sum of these flaws was nowhere near enough to damage the overall quality of the film. (This is in sharp contrast to the Star Wars prequels, where the exact opposite happened!) Star Trek is still a great piece of cinematic science fiction, and I can’t wait to see where they take it from here.

For further reading on this subject, I strongly suggest you pore over the following articles posted at Ex Astris Scientia:

• Star Trek XI: Reboot or Multiverse? (Note: This article was written well before the film’s release.)

• Star Trek XI Review
• Time Travel in Star Trek XI
• Star Trek XI Inconsistencies
• The Enterprise Size Controversy

You’ll notice that Bernd Schneider, author and owner of EAS, had many of the same concerns that I did. I should also note that Bernd is most certainly not your garden variety obsessive Star Trek nerd who does nothing but bash anything that’s not “perfect” Trek. Quite the contrary, he’s the most intelligent and articulate Star Trek fan I’ve ever come across (and an actual engineer!), so do not dismiss him or his opinions out of hand. That would be the ultimate exercise in foolishness and ignorance.