I can’t stand it when people viciously lambast things they have no personal experience with. They’ll denounce a movie they’ve never seen, crap on a band they’ve never heard, or complain about video games they’ve never played. This is appallingly ignorant and stupid; creating an informed opinion based on hearsay and research is one thing, but summarily judging something with no personal point of reference whatsoever is just wrong, and makes you look like a fucking idiot.

For example, let’s talk about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I have not seen the movie. I’ve read plenty of reviews, and heard eyewitness accounts from friends who have seen it, and they’ve all painted the film as absolutely horrible. Therefore, I have no desire to see it. At the same time, however, I would not go out and say “Transformers 2 sucks!”, because I don’t know that personally. It’s very likely that it does, due to what I’ve heard and read, but there’s no absolutely certainty without personal experience. Maybe I’ll rent the thing in a few months; no need to shell out nearly ten bucks to sit in a theater and likely be disappointed.

Granted, not everything in the world needs to be personally experienced; if you see someone stub their toe and yell in pain, you don’t need to do the same thing just to see how much it would hurt. The difference is that when it comes to entertainment, personal experience is absolutely required. Otherwise, you just sound like you’re talking out of your ass.

In case you were wondering (you probably weren’t, but tough shit), here’s why I cannot play pencil-and-paper RPGs or collectible games.

In my youth, I played a few campaigns of Dungeons & Dragons with friends. We were too young to have jobs, and thus were often broke, so a four- to six-hour gaming marathon was the perfect rainy weekend activity. We’d order some pizzas, hang out in my friends’ living room, and just fight monsters all day. Once high school rolled around, it was much tougher to play; the social stigma was one thing, but more damaging was the fact that we got jobs, and moved on to more compelling interests (read: women). Post-high school, a few of my pals in college started up a D&D campaign, but I never joined them; my schedule often didn’t permit it, and again, I had other interests.

I’ve been out of college for nearly a decade, and I’m smack in the middle of “routine life.” I work a standard eight-hour day, Monday through Friday. While burdening me with the usual responsibilities, this conversely makes time management a bit easier, as my work schedule does not change. So why not start playing D&D or another pencil-and-paper RPG again? I may not have any friends who are heavily invested in fantasy, but getting my other friends to play probably wouldn’t take much effort. I hang out with a bunch of comic book nerds, so there’s no way in hell that anybody could rationally argue that a game like D&D is “beneath” us. But anyway, that’s not the issue.

Even though time management’s easier now, the aforementioned responsibilities get in the way. On the weekends, I’m often running errands, or spending time with my girlfriend. Both of those are far more important than rolling dice to determine if I successfully cave in a goblin’s skull with a mace. Also, while I have no problem setting aside an afternoon for a lengthy game such as Axis & Allies or Descent, a D&D campaign requires multiple long play sessions, preferably on a weekly basis. That’s practically impossible to work into my schedule!

Moving on to collectible games (like Magic: The Gathering or Star Wars Miniatures), I run into two new problems. The first is that none of my other friends are interested in them; a core component of collectible games is that you trade units/cards/whatever with friends in order to acquire the pieces you want. Sure, you can trade at tournaments and such, but then you’re trading with acquaintances at best, and complete strangers at worst. Those aren’t always the most trustworthy of situations. With a board game or something like D&D, there’s little to nothing that random players would have to buy; not so with collectible games.

The second problem is that in order to keep the gameplay fresh, and to remain competitive, you’re required to invest a significant sum of money. New expansion packs and such come out at least once or twice a year. If you’re planning to play in tournaments, forget it; you’re looking at hundreds of dollars minimum to build a capable army or deck. And since cards and units are phased out every few years, you still need to keep spending to keep your edge!

Both of those reasons are why my attempts at keeping up with collectible games have crashed and burned after a year or two. Perhaps if I lived in a larger urban area, things would be different, but that can’t be helped. (I’m not moving to a big city just to play a stupid game!) It stinks on ice, because I’m an obsessive collector by nature, as evidenced by my other hobbies.

Fantasy gaming overall is something I’d really love to get back into, but the trials and tribulations of real life simply won’t permit it. If there was some kind of pencil-and-paper RPG that could be played in one- to two-hour jaunts, or a miniatures game that didn’t break the bank, I’d be happy as a pig in shit. Until one of those presents itself to me, however, I’ll just have to suffer.

While I don’t collect comics anymore (and have made no secret of my disdain for recent American comics), I certainly read plenty of them over the past few decades. That includes many comics that were never really given a fair shot, and ended up being cancelled or otherwise ended before they had a chance to tell a full story. I’m going to discuss three of those books today. Let’s get started!

	Hourman. The android version of Hourman first appeared in JLA #12, and was a major player in 1999′s DC One Million crossover. He later received his own series, which ran for twenty-five issues before being cancelled. Here, Hourman ditched his omnipotence and befriended former Justice League sidekick Snapper Carr, on a quest to become more human whilst fighting powerful foes like Amazo, Epoch the Lord of Time, and his girlfriend’s mother. The art and writing were great, and showcased some unique uses of Hourman’s temporal powers. The series’ ending wasn’t as abrupt as most cancelled titles, but still rather lame; it had Hourman chasing Amazo again. Fortunately, the character lived on for a while in the pages of JSA. Unfortunately, as is standard operating procedure for things that writer Geoff Johns doesn’t like or can’t figure out how to use correctly, Hourman was destroyed so that the previous Hourman could take his place. Now, he’s practically forgotten. Ugh.
	Major Bummer. Comedy comics are a tough sell. Comedy comics from a company that produces 99.9% superhero stuff are an even tougher sell, even when you put top-notch creators like John Arcudi and Doug Mahnke at the helm. Such was the sad case of Major Bummer, a comic book about a slacker suddenly imbued with superpowers. We’ve all heard that cliché before, but in this case, our “hero” Lou Martin wants nothing to do with any of it. He refuses to become a superhero, and instead just focuses on being lazy and trying to hold down a crappy job. Meanwhile, the aliens that accidentally gave him his powers (as part of their college science project) have their own ridiculous schemes to clean up the mess, like creating a group of equally misfit villains to oppose Lou and his peers. Arcudi and Mahnke had previously worked together on The Mask, and those comics were an absolute laugh riot. Major Bummer was much the same, minus the over-the-top gory violence. The problem was that DC Comics fans at the time wanted serious superhero action, and Major Bummer didn’t fit the bill. The book only lasted fifteen issues before getting the axe, and that’s a damned shame.
	Crimson Plague. I had to save the best for last. I also have a very personal connection to this series, far more than any other comic book. So, let me explain a few things up front in the interest of full disclosure. Back in 2000, I built and maintained the official site for Crimson Plague, with permission and considerable contributions from George Pérez himself. Aside from working with George, I also forged friendships with a few of the castmembers like Dina Simmons and Anna Young, both of whom I remain in contact with. (George is much harder to get a hold of; he’s an incredibly busy man, as any comic book fan well knows!) Anyway, Crimson Plague was a horror/science fiction comic that dealt with a genetically engineered woman whose blood could kill with a touch. More importantly than the plot, though, was the fact that every single character in the book was a real person in real life! (This even included random faces who appeared in the background of a single panel.) Not only that, none of their names were changed; there really is a Dina Simmons, Shannon Lower, Kevin Maddox, and so on. (Naturally, they don’t have fantastic superpowers in real life, or we’d all be in trouble.) George’s photorealistic artwork carried this over concept perfectly, and he’d often show photos of his models in the back of the book. It was the ultimate fanservice, all wrapped up in a suspenseful story. Crimson Plague was almost entirely funded out of George’s pocket, and that’s sadly why it folded. It had a rabid fanbase, but it just wasn’t enough to keep the book afloat. George tried his damnedest to keep it going, even switching publishers from Event Comics to Gorilla Comics (a subsidiary of Image), but it just wasn’t enough. Still, it’s to his credit to sink so much time and money into a project he dearly loved.

This is only the tip of the iceberg; there’s plenty of other books I’ve read that got the shaft, even though they were great. Comic book fans may have diversified their interests a bit over the past decade, but it hasn’t helped.

I’m of the belief that human beings are inherently evil. This of course runs contrary to most major religions, which claim in one way or another that we’re made in [insert deity here]‘s image, and therefore inherently good. (That’s one of the reasons why I’m an agnostic, actually.) But, the facts do not support this. You need only look at the reprehensible behavior that went on in Iran during their elections, the shellacking of the common man by the US healthcare system, or the vitriolic hatred that comprises Fox News’ daily programming to get an idea of where I’m coming from.

This behavior does indeed represent the majority of the human experience. If we were good at heart, things would’ve been fixed a long time ago. Instead, people plot, scheme, and trample their fellow human beings in pursuit of the most ridiculous, shallow goals. Money, sex, power…nothing altruistic about them, and all absolutely meaningless in the long run. Yet, they remain the most important thing on most people’s minds.

Now, I’m not saying every human being is going to commit some horrific act during their lifetime. Even people who aren’t actively screwing over others still fall into the proverbial darkness on a routine basis: lies, exaggerations, and selfishness, just to name a few. And again, all for what amounts to nothing. No one is perfect; not politicians, not role models, not holy men (who are often the worst offenders, as history has proven time and time again). We’re all guilty in one way or another, and will continue to be until our race’s inevitable extinction.

Video game publisher Atlus truly is the devil. Why? Because they’ve got a reputation for releasing stellar video games, and taking chances by localizing niche Japanese role-playing games (RPGs). Sure, this may seem like a good thing on the surface, it’s really a diabolical scheme specifically created in order to raise a flock of fanatically devoted fans ready to throw their lives (and wallets!) down at Atlus’ whim!

Atlus is probably best known as the publisher of the Shin Megami Tensei series and its spinoffs, a franchise of high-quality games known for its fans’ insane levels of devotion. Those alone would be enough to make any publisher comfortable, but Atlus goes above and beyond by bringing over other titles that no other publisher would take a chance on, like Riviera: The Promised Land, Yggdra Union: We’ll Never Fight Alone, and more. While more games is always a good thing, bear in mind that Atlus specializes in RPGs. Those don’t exactly lend themselves to quick playthroughs. In fact, many of the RPGs Atlus brings over are quite lengthy; Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 FES, for example, is an 100+ hour game! Even the most diehard Atlus fans must give up considerably large chunks of their time if they want to play everything. And since almost every game Atlus releases is of high quality…why would you want to miss one?

Speaking of which, the most important thing to remember is that Atlus games typically have low print runs. If you don’t buy the game on release day or shortly thereafter, you might be shit outta luck. And if you think waiting for copies to show up on eBay is a good idea, think again; Atlus titles have a nasty habit of skyrocketing in value rather quickly. (The conventional wisdom amongst Atlus fans is “buy now, or pay double on eBay later.”) That’s the biggest thorn in my side when it comes to Atlus games, aside from the fact that there’s never enough time to play them all.

Then there’s the matter of the cool bonus shit Atlus often includes with their games. Soundtrack CDs are the most common, but they’ve also offered up artbooks, slipcase special editions, pendants, plush toys, and more. They’ve even got a subsection of their website devoted to all of the cool goodies they package with their games: the aptly-named Atlus Spoils! Some of the drool-worthy extras are preorder bonuses, which really push you to pony up the cash in advance. For example, the recent Nintendo DS title Knights in the Nightmare includes a soundtrack CD by default, but if you preordered, you also got the Tome of Lost Souls, a 96-page artbook packed with art and stats on every character in the game.

You can see how insidious this whole system is. Perhaps Atlus spokesdemon Jack Frost is only masquerading as a cute mascot in order to further the company’s nefarious aims. If we’re not careful, we’ll all end up in his icy grip. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a stack of Atlus games to catch up on. Our Lord Jack Frost doth command it!