“America runs on Dunkin.” Well, maybe now, since the company’s has a practical monopoly. But growing up, we actually had more than one donut shop to choose from, I was a Mister Donut fan. There was one a few blocks from my house, and my folks used to take me there often for the classic breakfast confection.

Of course, it eventually closed as Dunkin Donuts grew ever larger and squashed everything in its path. To add insult to injury, Dunkin Donuts moved in to the old Mister Donut location down the road from my house! They may have renovated the place to make it look more attractive to customers, but it didn’t matter; Mister Donut was gone. (Oddly enough, Mister Donut is hugely popular in Asia. I found that out a month or two ago, and it floored me.) Don’t even get me started on the clerks that worked at this new Dunkin Donuts, either; what a bunch of fucking morons. These clowns could barely brew a pot of coffee properly!

I guess even that’s apocryphal now, as the entire half of the plaza that Mister Donut/Dunkin Donuts sat on was recently razed to make room for another massive CVS. Cripes. A brand-new standalone Dunkin Donuts was opened next to it, but based on what I’ve seen at the new joint, it’s not looking good.

We also had a family-owned bakery known as The Doughnut Shoppe in my hometown, which made the best damned donuts I’ve ever eaten. Of course, they closed down too. The only non-Dunkin place left was The Whole Donut, which operated two locations in my hometown. They’ve hung on for years, and I’ve always enjoyed their donuts and coffee.

A few years ago, though, one of them disappeared, to be replaced by the Sugar Shack. This place sells big donuts, as well as soft-serve ice cream. The latter is most certainly what’s kept them in business. Recently, the other Whole Donut franchise has become King Donuts. With a Dunkin Donuts one block away, I’m not so sure King Donuts will stick around for too long, especially since I’ve never even heard of the company before.

There’s eleven Dunkin Donuts locations in my hometown now. Eleven. Eleven! Shit, do we really need that many?! The town’s not that big, people. Some of the stupid things are literally across the street from one another! As delicious as Dunkin Donuts products can be, it pisses me off to see them put smaller donut chains and shops out of business. Competition breeds creativity, and in the donut world, that means tastier stuff! Not to mention that places like the Whole Donut, Sugar Shack, and so forth have cheaper products that are just as good, if not better, than Dunkin Donuts. With the little guys out of the picture, Dunkin can raise their prices with impunity, and we all suffer.