Against my better judgment, I had to take a trip to the local mall a week ago in order to secure an ornament I had special-ordered. Annoying, to be sure, but I was decorating the tree that weekend, so it had to be done.

The throngs of Christmas shoppers jamming the place were irritating enough; I got jostled multiple times, cut off by loudmouthed moms with their little broods of failure toddling along behind them, and nearly had my eardrums ruptured by people shouting into their cellphones in a vain attempt to be heard. God damn it, I just wanted to buy my fucking ornament, and get out of there.

Fortunately, I was able to do so. Unfortunately, I had to deal with something just as aggravating on the way out: holiday traffic. Surprisingly enough, it was easy to get into the mall and park. Getting out? Not so much. Now, people drive like idiots year-round. During the holidays, there’s more people, and more idiocy. I was cut off multiple times, but the absolute worst was when I moved into an outside lane to avoid the stop-and-go.

See, I checked behind me, and moved to the left-hand lane safely. I drove no further than fifty feet when someone else in the right-hand lane had the same idea…but did not bother to check for other cars (namely, mine) before pulling out. I had to swerve into the oncoming lane (thankfully, no other cars were coming) and lay on the horn to prevent the jackass from smashing into the side of my car. What did I earn for my trouble? A glare from the other driver, and the dumb bastard proceeded to keep going, cutting me off and leaving me stuck on the wrong side of the road until he got out and took off!

As you may have guessed, I did manage to get out of there safely, but nursed a blazing hatred for a while thereafter. Seriously, what a fucking asshole.

That’s what the Christmas spirit has become, people: nearly causing injury or death to your fellow human beings, just so you can scoot up a space or two in traffic. Bah humbug, indeed.