I saw this post on Memory Glands, and it triggered a weird flashback from elementary school (never a good thing).

The Junior Safety Patrol is a voluntary group of crossing guards involving older students helping younger students cross streets in elementary and middle schools across the United States. The official School Safety Patrol program was organized in 1920 by the American Automobile Association.

When I saw that, I suddenly remembered that we had safety patrol members back in my grammar school days, complete with the yellow sashes. Composed mainly of fifth and sixth graders, if I can recall correctly, those kids did indeed help with crossings and such. I also believe they helped out during recess and before and after school gatherings.

But that’s not the point of this post. What I vividly remember is that every single one of those student volunteers were assholes. They had an arrogance and megalomania that you’d expect to find in a corrupt law enforcement official or CEO, not a ten-year-old kid.

I know I wasn’t the most popular kid in elementary school; far from it. From the end of second grade throughout the rest of my time there in sixth grade, I was routinely picked on and beat up. As such, I was an easy target for the safety patrol. Ever seen those comedy flicks where the down-and-out loser is always getting in trouble for the slightest misstep, when everyone else is committing major offenses and getting away scot-free? That how it was with me and the safety patrol.

Waiting to cross the street? You could be sure that I was going to be the last one to go, every single time. The safety patrol would always let the other kids go first and hold me back. Even if the street was clear, those douchebags would still make me wait. They’d bug me during recess, too, often calling me out of games and such for some minor bullshit. If they had only spent more time focusing on general safety rather than harassing the unpopular kids.

Now, obviously these volunteers had no real power. The safety patrol couldn’t give other kids detention, or take away belongings or privileges. Still, they could make your school life a living hell in other ways, and their reports to teachers and the principal carried some weight. Since all of them were goddamned teacher’s pets, there was no way to do anything about it.

I’m assuming my experience was a rare one, and not at all reflective of the safety patrol organization nationwide. I just thought it was a weird memory to trigger, and it filled up enough space for a blog post, now didn’t it?