I find Twitter to be a very useful tool for promoting this blog, as well as my other one. Furthermore, posting random tweets about my activities and interacting with others can be fun, too. However, Twitter does seem to be getting a little out of hand. Stereotypical Internet users and abusers are mostly to blame for this, but the company itself does not get off scot-free.

I do understand that at its core, Twitter is simply an extension of the user’s ego. When you tweet about your activities, you’re hoping that other people care enough about you in order to follow you and actively read what you have to say. This same principle applies to other online services like personal websites, photo galleries, social networks, and of course, blogs. Advocating your activities and projects via Twitter is an excellent idea, as it gets your point across with brief bits of text.

With every positive comes plenty of negatives, unfortunately. There are aspects of Twitter that are becoming more and more popular…and exponentially more annoying. Some of these are memes that start with one or two users, and eventually infect most of the userbase. (We’ve seen this happen with email and forums in the past.) Others are just virulent outgrowths of the service itself.

For example, the number of followers. I’ve noticed far too many people who are obsessed with how many followers they have. That’s the ultimate in narcissism, nothing more. When it comes to celebrity Twitter accounts, the problem is multiplied tenfold. As if their egos weren’t inflated enough!

Next, the spambots. Twitter’s done a decent job blocking them and deleting obvious spam accounts, but the shit still gets through. I’ll post something about my Mac, and I’ll get five or six responses within the next ten minutes from random accounts trying to sell me Apple crap. All fake, of course, but their existence is nonetheless aggravating.

Then there’s Twitter’s tagging system. As it was originally designed, it allowed groups of users to relate their tweets to one another. For example, for those users who watched the World Cup, placing a #worldcup tag on their tweets made them easier for other soccer fans to find and follow them. Twitter even got in on the act by appending a soccer ball image to those tags! However, like most other good intentions, the Internet community rapidly sent tagging down the toilet. How many tags have you seen that are actually relevant to the community as a whole? I’d say about 10% of them. Most of them nowadays are nonsense words that are lucky to have anything to do with the tweet itself, let alone the entire Twitter community.

Even worse, look at all of the miscreants who type out entire phrases in tag form. Not only is this a glaring misuse of the tagging system, it’s egocentric and it spotlights the user’s inability to use proper grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. Come on, if you’re going to bother typing out #omgihadamassivesandwichforlunch, then just write “OMG, I had a massive sandwich for lunch!” like a adequately intelligent human being. Periods, spaces, and commas are your friends. Tagging is for categorizing similar tweets, not expression!

My biggest complaint about Twitter, by far, is livetweeting. Holy shit, is this annoying. In case you’re unaware, livetweeting is when a user tweets, nearly in realtime, their thoughts and opinions on a specific event, like a concert, film, or television show. Not only is this a massive feeding of the user’s ego — “Look what I get to do, while you only get to read about it in short bursts!” — it’s also extremely rude. Livetweeting a concert is rude to the band, as you’re essentially telling them that your social life is more important than the hard work they put into their performance. Livetweeting movies are even worse, as it’s incredibly distracting to other people in the audience. Look, if your followers gave a shit about the movie you’re seeing, they’d go see it themselves! We don’t need your play-by-play, Madden. Plus, if you’re livetweeting a film or show…you’re almost certain to give away spoilers. Thanks a lot, dick. I’ve had to unfollow quite a few people because of this. Spoilers nonwithstanding, few things are more irritating than seeing my feed clogged up by the same user posting twenty or more tweets in a row.

I’ve spent enough time complaining about many Twitter users’ irritating behavior. I will admit that some of my friends have been guilty of these offenses in the past, and when this happens, I do bring it to their attention. (Politely, of course.) Anyway, user excesses are clearly not the company’s fault, but I do have a separate set of concerns that apply to them. Twitter as a business is naturally trying to boost its own growth and bottom line. It’s been adding many new features to the service over time, like lists, suggestions on who to follow, verified users, geolocations, APIs, et cetera. However, like Facebook before it, some of this stuff is crossing the line into serious security issues. Verifying a user is a great idea, as followers can be confident in who they’re following, but it also means Twitter owns some serious personal data on you. Foursquare, another popular service that many people use in conjunction with Twitter, is practically an open invite for someone to stalk you or rob your house.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s only a matter of time before Twitter piles on the extras so much that becomes a bloated cesspool. At that point, I may elect to leave rather than deal with the spam, unwanted features, and invasion of privacy.

What, you don’t think this could come to pass? Well, remember that even MySpace used to be tolerable…

You know what’s ridiculous? People stuck on their cellphones…on the goddamned beach.

Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?! Who the hell wants to talk on the phone instead of enjoying the sun, surf, and sand?

I went to the beach over the weekend, and you could barely take a few steps without coming across someone constantly talking or texting. For them, the beach did not exist. So what was the point in even being there for these idiots? See, I’m one of those old farts who believes that when you’re vacationing, even just for a day at the beach, you should leave your daily routines behind. While there, I like to forget about everything else in the world and just relax.

My girlfriend and I want to rent a beach house for a few days next year, and we wouldn’t mind bringing some friends along. I, however, would wish to enforce a no-cellphone rule. If there’s an emergency, use the landline in the house to call 911! This stance practically guarantees that we’ll be going alone, but hey, more relaxation for us, right?

It’s very simple: your conversations, text messaging, and Twittering are not important. Get over it. They are wants, not needs. Put that shit down, and pick your head up. If you can’t live without that stuff, then don’t bother going on vacation in the first place.

If someone’s interrupting your day at the beach with their senseless yammering on the phone, just grab it and pitch it into the sea. And for added amusement, paraphrase Biff from Back to the Future II:

“You want your phone back? Go get it!”

Since I’ve been having a shortage of things to write about lately, how about I dredge up some more unpleasant memories? I know you folks love those! Actually, this post deals with a subject that I know is not exclusive to me. It’s something that every straight male has dealt with at one point or another during their lifetime: the bullshit excuses that women give us when turning us down for a date or relationship.

Before my female readers start twitching with anger, kill the motor for a second. I’m not trying to be sexist; don’t be ridiculous. This post is just a statement of facts based on my actual experience. I’m fortunate enough to have been in a stable relationship with my girlfriend for over five years now, but before that, my dating life was a joke. I made my share of mistakes, sure, but I got much worse than I gave. Whether it was attempts to avoid hurting my feelings, or just plain lying, the excuses and other doublespeak I received way back when ranged from feeble to insulting. In retrospect, they’re almost funny! I know I’m not alone in this experience, so that’s why I’m sharing these lovely responses with you.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at a few classics!

• “I just want to be friends.” This one tops the charts. Everyone’s been on the receiving end of this bad boy, and everyone also knows that it’s a filthy lie. There’s nothing wrong with actually just being friends instead of pursuing a relationship, but normally, that just evolves on its own. Using friendship as a blanket statement to put off a date or relationship is nothing short of insulting. If a relationship’s not going to work out, then explain specifically why instead of giving us this non-answer.
• “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” See above. Sometimes, it’s honest; most of the time, it is not. It usually translates to “I’m not looking for a relationship right now with you, because I’m interested in someone else better looking/richer/more popular/et cetera.” If that’s the case…then just say so!
• “You remind me of my ex.” Ouch. It’s hard as hell to come back from this one, especially if you don’t know the ex in question. (If he even exists, mind you.) This is particularly annoying when you know a last-ditch excuse to make you go away. (Been there!)
• “You’re not my type.” While this comment may be misconstrued as simple honesty, you’ll notice that you’re almost never told what her type actually is. More often than not, this means that her type is anyone who’s not you.
• “I love you like a brother.” This one’s heard for often during a breakup than before a relationship even starts, but I figured I’d include it anyway due to its popularity. Aside from sounding rather creepy, it’s also bullshit nonsense. Every guy I know who’s gotten this line of shit never hears from the girl in question ever again. What kind of “sister” is that? Sounds like a pretty dysfunctional family to me.

The moral of the story is: just be honest. It’s better to suffer a bruised ego than be lied to. People can take it, and are more resilient than you (or even they) realize.

Now it’s time for you to chime in. What kind of nonsense have you been dealt instead of a straight answer? I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few, so let’s hear it. (Ladies, I’m sure guys have fed you steaming mounds of crap, too, so feel free to rant about them.)

A great evil has been awakened in this land, and it is the Facebook “Like” button. It’s got the capability to do far worse harm than merely eating your shield. (If you don’t understand that reference, I weep for you.)

As if Facebook’s ubiquity wasn’t annoying enough, they’ve been trying to spread their reach even further across the Internet. Instead of Facebook being part of the Web, they want the Web to be part of Facebook. That’s arrogant and dangerous. I’m sure plenty of zombie Facebook users automatically see this as a good thing, because integrating everything into Facebook allows them to be even lazier…but these people are pissing their privacy away without even realizing it.

Put simply, the “Like” button is a way to integrate information on your site, blog, or whatever into Facebook’s “Open Graph” system. It’s designed to streamline content flowing between social networks and other sites. For example, clicking a “Like” button on a popular site helps Facebook build data on that site, and share it with its users.

Maybe I’m not alone in this, but I don’t want Facebook poking around my site. Obviously, it’s not like they had administrator access, or even user access…but until I get full technical details concerning specifically what that damned button is capable of, I’m not placing proprietary Facebook code on my site! Furthermore, this is new, untested technology. We don’t know how well privacy will be protected with the “Like” button, and we won’t until it’s been in use for quite some time. Sure, it’s possible that it’s completely safe, but without some real-world tests and data, I’m not sure it’s worth the risk.

I’ve made it quite clear in the past that I have no wish to join Facebook, and with the continuous privacy scandals the company has faced, my decision is reinforced as the correct one every single day. (Even some of my friends are starting to rethink their Facebook accounts.) Given the company’s track record when it comes to distributing users’ personal data without their consent, I think you can see where I’m coming from.

This is why I have not implemented a “Like” button on this blog yet, and I may never do so. I have serious concerns about its effects on the security of this site, and more importantly, the privacy of my readers. Until those concerns are solidly addressed, you’ll just have to use the “old-fashioned” bookmarking tools I already provide.

Oh, how yuppies aggravate me.

Even though I fall squarely into the middle class demographic, there’s plenty of “upscale” shopping centers and other such nonsense around my home and workplace. As a result, stereotypical yuppies are everywhere. I used to think they only existed on television and movies, but the reality of the situation is, well…real. Not a week goes by where I don’t get cut off by some soccer mom, yapping to her friends about the trials and tribulations of not having to work while their husbands pull in a hefty six-figure salary.

One lunch spot I enjoy is Atlanta Bread, because they can actually make a decent bowl of chili. (Surprising, but accurate!) In case you’re unfamiliar with this franchise, Atlanta Bread is a yuppie haven. In fact, my local Atlanta Bread is smack-dab in the middle of an entire shopping center devoted to the yuppie lifestyle. So not only do I have to roll through there, avoiding Lexus drivers and trophy wives ignoring traffic laws because they’re obsessed with shopping, I also have to squeeze by them at Atlanta Bread just to get a bowl of fucking chili! And, of course, if they accidentally bump into me, it’s my fault; I get a dirty look instead of the proper “excuse me,” if I get any acknowledgement at all. More often than not, I’m ignored completely because their loud iPhone conversation is apparently more important. I’ve even been cut off in line by many a well-dressed businessman, as if their lives are somehow more important than anyone else’s. It’s rude, and highly annoying. I’m sorry, your wallet doesn’t give you the right to act like a dick.

I’m not saying that all upper middle class or otherwise affluent folks are yuppies. I’m just sick of the fact that there’s so many stereotypical jackasses sauntering around.