I visited a local “trail of terror” about a week ago. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is a Halloween attraction where groups of people walk through the woods and random structures to get the living shit scared out of them by actors in costumes, mechanical monsters, and other spooky props. (Basically, it’s like a haunted house, but most of it is outdoors.) Creepy stuff like that is one of my favorite fall activities, and I’d heard that this particular trail was one of the best in the state.

As with any walking tour attraction, people are admitted in groups, with a few minutes’ pause in between each group to give actors and animatronic features time to get back into position. My girlfriend and I were lumped in with another group, which was fine (except for the two folks ahead of us who took every opportunity to make out like high school kids; weird).

The problem stemmed from the group behind us. About ten minutes after entering the trail, they caught up to us. The group was comprised of loud dudebros and gangsta wannabes, and they shouted “OH DAMN! OH SNAP! HOLY SHIT! YEAH, MUTHAFUCKA!” and the like the entire time. Not as a result of being scared, mind you. They just yelled that crap over and over and over again, annoying the living hell out of everyone else. I suspect alcohol and/or other controlled substances were involved in their behavior. Aside from the shouted profanities, the group also let fly all manner of racial slurs. The trail of terror was not recommended for kids, but that kind of shit is still unacceptable. I would’ve liked to tell the group to shut the fuck up, but there were a lot of them, and I wasn’t about to risk an ass-beating in the middle of the damned woods.

Fortunately, after about twenty minutes, the band of douchebags…disappeared. Perhaps security had had enough and removed them. There’s also multiple points on the trail where groups are split up, so maybe they ended up ruining someone else’s night. Or maybe the ghosts got them. Regardless, they were out of our hair, and good riddance.

I don’t know what possesses people to act like such horrible human beings in public lately. I’m sure most of my perception is due to my advancing age, but even in today’s extremely rude and ignorant world, you’d think people would still know where to draw the line.

Commercial commentary time again! This one’s a doozy.

Take a look at this ad from Norton entitled “You Are Your Stuff.” Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

As you may have guessed, it’s the line at the very end of the commercial that gets my goat.

Because what are you without your stuff? Better yet, without your stuff…who are you?

I can answer those questions very easily: without my stuff, I’m still the same goddamned person. I am not defined by objects or random data, and that’s saying a lot coming from someone who collects all manner of things like comics, music, movies, and so on. In fact, one could argue that you’re a better person without your stuff.

It’s appalling — yet not surprising — that a company would degrade its own customers like this. I was relieved to see that this ad has received an overwhelming number of dislikes on YouTube for the exact reasons I’ve specified here. Would losing your stuff really suck? Of course. But it certainly wouldn’t render your life meaningless. Don’t let any corporate entity (or even other people) ever convince you otherwise.

The other day’s commute offered more proof as to why I hate people.

I was on my way home from work, and as I got off the highway, one of the side streets the exit empties on to was a bit slow. This happens from time to time, due to it being so close to the highway and all. Now, if you’re stuck in this traffic, you might have to wait for two, maybe three minutes to get to the stoplight at the next intersection. After that, no more traffic. There’s also another road branching off halfway to the light — Cemetery Road.

This is important.

As you may have guessed, that road is so named because it’s next to a cemetery. The road experiencing the heavy traffic is also next to the cemetery. Sometimes, if people just can’t wait to get to the light, they’ll turn on to Cemetery Road and be done with it. However, a few days ago I saw something far more irritating.

Running through the cemetery is a small access road, used by groundskeepers and other staff to maintain the property and gravestones. Suffice it to say, it’s clearly marked that it is not a through way, nor is it to be used by anyone other that staff. Of course, this did not stop impatient drivers from tearing down the access road instead of waiting less than a minute to get to Cemetery Road proper.

I couldn’t believe my eyes at first; then, as more drivers did it, I got more and more pissed off. Aside from being illegal, it’s dangerous to drive down that little access road, as it’s only wide enough for a single vehicle. If a maintenance vehicle had been on that road, or a person, the results would not have been pretty. Not to mention that it’s quite disrespectful to those buried there and their families.

Seriously, what possessed these douchebag drivers to make them think that was a good idea?! Whatever rush they were in, no way was it important enough to rip through a goddamned graveyard. Where’s a cop when you need one?

I’ve been working with computers for at least twenty years now. Like most folks in the information technology field, I started off as a hobbyist, then it became a necessity as I made my way through college and the working world.

As such, I’ve become a the go-to guy for friends and family when they need technical assistance. Normally, I do not mind this, as I like helping people. But every now and then, I come across some head-slapping moments of computer cluelessness. While they’re generally not the novice users’ fault, these issues are often hilarious (when they’re not frustrating).

Here’s a few classics from my long tenure as a “computer guy.”

• When teaching a new user how to operate their new computer, I asked them to take hold of the mouse. They did so by picking it up off the desk and holding it in front of them. (That’s when I knew it was going to be a long day.)

• A user was working in Microsoft Word, and wasn’t quite sure how to print. I was handling this problem over the phone, so I assumed that perhaps the little print button had disappeared from the toolbar. So, I simply told them to choose “Print” from the File menu. Their response? “Where’s the File menu?” (This is someone who’d used word processing programs for many years, mind you.)

• In another problem I handled over the phone, a user asked how to change the date and time setting. I told them to right-click on the clock in the lower right-hand corner and to click “Set Date/Time.” The user did so, and asked me which time to enter. I wasn’t quite sure I’d heard them correctly, but just in case, I advised them to check their watch. They then asked, “How do you know if that’s right?”

• This last story changes things up a bit; instead of the user being the source of amusing ignorance, it’s the tech support folk that fall into that category. (You know, the ones who should know better!) Way back in my college days, my school had just built a new Macintosh lab for art and design students. We were having problems with a few of the systems during an open lab period, so we called the university data center. They simply told us that “Macs suck.” I hung up the phone, and proceeded to teach myself the ins and outs of Mac hardware and software from scratch.

Got any IT horror stories of your own? Share ‘em in the comments. (Just try not to freak out like some of these folks.)

Far too often do I hear adherents of science fiction and fantasy referred to as “genre fans.”

That shit really need stop, as it makes no sense. Why? Because “genre” does not mean science fiction or fantasy. Those two things are genres themselves, but it does not work the other way around.

You know what else are genres, with many subgenres within them? Drama. Comedy. Sports. Crime. Reality television. Politics. Music. Anything. So if someone is a “genre fan,” that means they are a fan of anything that fits in a particular genre…which means that everyone is a genre fan.

I know nerds and geeks love to try to make words their own, but this is just stupid. Pick up a goddamned dictionary.