I haven’t done one of these posts in a while, in which I extol the virtues or a particular game or series, and wonder why in the hell it never got a sequel or otherwise proper followup. Remember when I talked about Mega Man Legends 3? And then it got announced, much to my profound happiness. Some of my character ideas were even chosen for inclusion in the game. And then…the game got fucking canceled. Argh!

But I digress. Today’s spotlight is on Kirby’s Dream Course. Fellow blogger Mister Raroo has been waxing ecstatic about the latest two games, Kirby Mass Attack and Kirby’s Return to Dream Land, and it reminded me of one of my favorite games in the series. I’ve been a Kirby fan since day one, and it’s unacceptable that Kirby’s Dream Course never made it past a single installment.

Nintendo’s Kirby series is quite long lived, with new titles still coming out on a regular basis. While most Kirby games are simple platformers, the little pink puffball has often ventured outside his comfort zone to try out other game genres such as racing, fighting, pinball, and even golf.

That last genre is where Kirby’s Dream Course comes in. Released in 1995 for the Super NES, the game placed Kirby into the role of a golf ball. Kirby’s Dream Course played like strange cross between traditional golf and miniature golf; the object was to get Kirby into the cup, of course, but in order to do that, he needed to defeat every enemy onscreen first. Players had control of Kirby’s speed, spin, shot type, and other traits, and defeating enemies earned Kirby his famous copy abilities.

With eight courses, and eight holes per course, there was plenty of content to be had. The single-player game was fun enough, but Kirby’s Dream Course really excels in its two-player mode. As you might expect, here you can challenge a friend to the game’s numerous courses. Here, not only can you gain abilities and try to defeat enemies faster than your opponent, but you can also steal their thunder!

So why the hell haven’t we seen a sequel for any subsequent Nintendo console? A new, four-player Kirby’s Dream Course would’ve been a fantastic upgrade. Even a portable version would kick some ass; the Game Boy Advance and DS would have been a good home. On the Wii or 3DS, it would be even better due to the online capability; in this always-connected age, an online Kirby’s Dream Course would be, well, a dream come true.

I give a lot of credit to Nintendo and developer HAL Laboratories for continuing to evolve the Kirby series across many different genres. But in this case, we definitely need to put Kirby back on the golf course. In the meantime, if you’ve got a Wii, you can nab Kirby’s Dream Course on the Virtual Console. It’s a purchase you won’t regret.

In case you didn’t know, I don’t consume alcoholic beverages. At all. The hardest “liquor” I’ll touch is something like Nyquil, and even that’s very rare. (Because that shit’s just nasty.)

In modern times, my stance is not much of a big deal. All of my friends and family members are aware of it, and it doesn’t bother them to the best of my knowledge. When I accompany people to bars or other venues where the booze flows freely, I just don’t partake, and nobody thinks poorly of me save for the occasional stuck-up bartender. (For that miserable performance, you shall receive no tip.)

However, things were very different in the past. In college, I was constantly shit on for not drinking. Sometimes the derision was passive aggressive, but other times it was blatant. Many people actually stopped hanging out with me because I don’t drink, falsely claiming that I looked down on people who did. What nonsense.

The only time I’d intervene in someone’s drinking was when it was causing a serious health problem. Anyone who’s been to college knows that happens far too often, and I did my best to help people get back on their feet and not ruin their damned lives. What was my reward? Resentment. Yes, I actually got bitched out on occasion for making sure friends didn’t wind up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, or worse.

One of my friends in college even told me that I’d be fucked over in the real world for not drinking; it was an “essential function of business,” so he said. What the hell is this, Mad Men? Fortunately, I have yet to encounter any career-based resistance whatsoever.

At least no one ever gave me shit because I don’t smoke. (Well, the potheads did, but that should come as no surprise.)

Almost every day, I’m surprised by people on Twitter and other services complaining about work, extolling the virtues of substance abuse, or otherwise sharing information that shouldn’t be made public. It boggles my mind that people still don’t understand how incredibly dangerous this is. I’m not talking physically dangerous; I mean hazardous to their employment.

Make no mistake: if you badmouth your boss online, or brag about getting stoned before work, or admit showing up late, your employer will find it. Most offenders think that because they’re not using their real name, they’ll never get caught. (The obvious exception being Facebook, and that’s where people post incriminating photos. Yeah, that’s really smart.)

Yes, you can be fired for shit like that. I’ve known a few folks who have lost their jobs because they bitched online with no fear of reprisal. Sure, you can make the argument that what you do on your free time is your own business — and I firmly support that argument — but employers don’t care. If you’re badmouthing them, they’re going to kick your ass to the curb, and there’s little you can do to stop them.

Oh, and if you’re thinking of just deleting the incriminating information…that’s not enough. That stuff will stick around in web caches for years at the very least.

When it comes to future employment, venting your current frustrations and whatnot online is just as dangerous. Many (if not most) companies now perform “social media background checks,” in which they research prospective employees’ activities online. This ranges from a simple Google search to actually hiring firms that specialize in assembling a report on the possible hires’ online presence. So all of your bitching online, past and present, is going to be readily available to the company you’re begging for a job.

The only solution is this: don’t post that crap to begin with. Need to vent? Do it over the phone with friends, or in private company. When you post on the Internet, you’re broadcasting it to anyone and everyone. You’d think common sense would prevent most people from doing stupid shit like this…but we live in the Internet Age, where everyone’s an idiot.

November is upon us, and for many folks, that means getting a head start on their Christmas or other holiday shopping. I make it a point to get mine done by Thanksgiving so I can avoid the crowds.

There’s one problem: I’m really shitty at picking out gifts for people.

You’d think buying someone a good gift would be a cinch, especially in this day and age. Online wishlists are useful, and I also use the tried-and-true method of asking people’s significant others for advice; however, I rely on them far too often. I should be ashamed of myself, as in most cases, these are folks I’ve known for many years. (Or in my family’s case, my entire life!) Why can’t I think of something they’ll really enjoy?

Only on a few random occasions have I been able to surprise someone with a gift they truly loved. I know that nobody is perfect (least of all myself), but
I strive to be better.

In some instances, I can tell that people didn’t like their gifts at all, but merely pretended they did so they wouldn’t hurt my feelings. Fortunately, this happens very rarely, but I’d prefer that it didn’t happen at all.

Bah, humbug, indeed.

I recently came across a bunch of my old college papers while reorganizing some files. While a few were generic fare, most were from classes directly related to my graphic design major (and public relations minor). That’s where the vast majority of my writing in college took place, after all.

If you find these blog posts to be an affront to proper writing, then you should’ve read the dreck I was typing up in the late 1990s.

For example, take my writing competency piece. While every major did have a writing-intensive class (in my case, modern art), students were also expected to pass a basic writing competency exam to prove that they could properly produce a well-written essay. I did indeed pass that exam, but the paper in question was just awful. My spelling and grammar were correct, but just about every other classic writing problem was in there. My sentence structure was poor, run-on sentences were far too common, and I even repeated myself. How did I pass?

My art history papers didn’t fare much better. Most of them were analyses of specific works, such as Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec’s Jane Avril Leaving the Moulin Rouge, Vincent Van Gogh’s Wheatfield with Crows, and Gustave Courbet’s The Stone Breakers. A few were critical responses to art scholars’ writings, and my senior thesis was an analysis of Captain America and his place within comic books as World War II propaganda.

Aside from having all of the same problems as before, my papers were also incredibly boring. I know that writing was never my strong suit, but it’s a wonder I got passing grades on these things. Were my professors just taking pity on me?

If you think I’m going to post any my old stuff for public consumption, you’re out of your goddamned mind. Well, let me rephrase that in a nicer way: those papers embarrass me and remind me of a time I’d rather forget. The whole thing makes me depressed, and it took a lot of rumination just to write this post about it. This is the closest to the light of day that those ancient texts will see, and that’s to the benefit of all mankind.